mercredi 11 mars 2009

Un mensonge sur mon père, John Burnside

C'est une amie qui m'a parlé de ce roman et qui me l'a passé, même. Pour me forcer, avec obligation morale de faire un compte rendu !
Je m'y mets.

Il s'agit d'un roman autobiographique de John Burnside, qui traite du père de ce dernier : celui-ci, enfant trouvé, perdu, pris dans les rêts d'idées reçues de son univers (ouvrier, écossais, années 60-70), hait, en la personne de son fils, ce qu'il est et l'homme qu'il ne parvient pas à être. Je m'attendais à un récit peut-être mièvre, ou peut-être terrible, sur un enfant en quelque sorte résilient, survivant à ce que son père lui a fait subir.

Eh bien, Un mensonge sur mon père n'est pas cela.

Le livre est divisé grosso modo en deux parties, l'enfance, puis la jeunesse et les années d'errance de l'auteur. Il n'est jamais larmoyant ou complaisant.


Enfant trouvé, on ne sait où , on ne sait quand, enfant baladé, que nul n'a jamais choisi, le père du narrateur est une non-personne qui s'invente une vie, ou plusieurs, se déteste et déteste tous ceux qui l'entoure, sa femme, ses enfants, ou peut-être les aime-t-il , dans un recoin insoupçonné de lui -même, mais il les broie, les humilie, les manipule.

Quand il raconte son père, John Burnside se raconte aussi, les deux sont étroitement liés. S'il évoque un souvenir de son père, c'est pour retirer presque aussitôt l'image qu'il nous en donne, et en suggérer une autre : puisque son père s'est bâti une vie de mensonge, l'enfant devenu adulte doit lui aussi supposer, imaginer ce que son père pouvait être.

Toute la première aprtie du roman décrit des souvenirs, mais c'est la deuxième à mon avis la plus intéressante : les mensonges de son père ont en quelque sorte bâti le narrateur sur du vent, et on ne peut rien construie sur du vent ou du néant ; John Burnside, entre toxicomanie, petits boulots, amis improbables d'un soir erre, sans but, dans une vie qui n'a pas plus de consistance que le passé de son père. Il entre rpend méthodiquement de se détruire, et n'y parvient pourtant pas. Son père, ou le rejet qu'il a de son père, ne le quitte pas d'une semelle, ou qu'il aille, et c'est donc une ombre, un mensonge, une non personne qui s'attache ainsi à ses pas et le fait dériver.

L'auteur n'est jamais complaisant, il ne gémit jamais sur son sort. Ce n'est pas pas la plainte qu'il s'adresse à nous. Au contraire, le petit garçon de la première partie du livre semble animée d'une force surhumaine, qui lui permet de résister à l'océan de noirceur que son père déverse sur lui. A 14 ans, il manque de lui donner un coup de couteau ; plus tard, il lui donne à regret les pilules contre une crise cardiaque.

Ce qui serait simple, ce serait l'histoire d'un bon élève qui devient sérieux et suit une voie sans histoire malgré ses malheurs. Mais John nous montre comment lui même suit une voie très parallèle à celle de son père avant de s'en détourner : il rejette l'école, se drogue, fait plusieurs séjours en hôpital psychiatrique avant de s'en sortir.

Au final, il tente de retrouver pour son fils une image de son père, apaisée, pour la lui transmettre.

J'ai trouvé ce livre passionnant, pour les analyses, pour ce qu'il dévoile de la vie dans un milieu populaire écossais dans les années 60-70, pour illustrer sans larmoyer la dégringolade d'une personne dont les bases de la personnalité sont instables. Cependant, je n'ai pas entièrement accroché avec ce livre, qui m'est resté, je ne sais pourquoi, extérieur, étranger. Je n'ai pas eu la sensation d'entrer dedans, peut-être parce que le sujet est difficile.

Néanmoins, il faut le lire, absolument, parce qu'il ne peut laisser indifférent ni indemne, tant le voyage intérieur qu'il propose est intense et pose des questions lourdes et complexes, selon moi, sur les relations douloureuses que l'on peut avoir avec ses parents...


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